"The honor of small talk lies in paying others the compliment that their worth talking to, the power in sparking the everyday magic of intimacy."
"The honor of small talk lies in paying others the compliment that their worth talking to, the power in sparking the everyday magic of intimacy."
5 comments:
So is that why I ought to learn to small talk? I'm horrible at it, really…
But I'm not sure I agree. I mean, does talking about the weather spark "the everyday magic of intimacy"? Or are there different levels of small talk—small talk that's just for the sake of talking, and small talk (like, what do you do for a living) that actually helps you get to know each other?
Is talking about the weather more intimate than not talking at all? Consider what you reveal about yourself by what you think about the weather. Do you see rain as a much needed to beautify your surrounding or an obstacle to baseball game. Is another snow dreary, or does it mean more days to snowmobile, or does it mean that raspberries will be sufficiently watered for a decent crop? Do you see?
Ah--but that's my point exactly.
Most of the time, if I talk about the weather, it doesn't mean any of those things--but having enough of conversation to find out what of those things my comment about the weather might reveal shifts the conversation immediately onto a more intimate level, one not about the weather.
Talking about the weather alone is pointless. Talking about how the weather affects you starts to get us somewhere.
I think my complaint with small talk is that instead of using it as a vehicle to get to know someone, we often use it as a shield to avoid intimacy. (i.e. "let's talk about the weather so that I do not have to talk about the pain in my life" rather than "talking about the dreariness outside lets me introduce my own dreariness--or ask about yours--without awkwardness").
Nonetheless, you have convicted me a bit. Thanks.
P.S. Perhaps my view of small talk is a bit too narrow. For instance, I often joke around with guys in the lab. This is probably "small talk" in some real sense, but I find much more value in it than most "small talk." Go figure.
I think "just not talking" is a greater and more common shield to intimacy.
Your conversations about the weather must be different than mine. Usually someone expresses some sort of opinion of like or dislike. "I'm ready for winter to be over" is one I've heard a few times. Even the conversation, "Nice Day." "Yup." gives away that niether are interested in the weather, but at least one is showing that he values the other more than a "No Passing Zone" sign. And I think the author is saying that you get to intimacy through the vehicle of small talk, lest you violate someones space and get the door slammed in the face. Right, its the power in "sparking" intimacy.
I suspect you are probably right, largely. Methinks I need to work on my small talk skilz. ;-)
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